rattle snake vs me

New Belber Music Video

Hiatus

Well, I'm sure many of you were wondering what had happened to me. Not to worry. I just was busy. On wednesday I PA'd for a this television show "south of nowhere". I went to a youth correctional facility, where driftwood was shot and disassembled a set. One highlight was this amateurish crew was taking down a large 30x10 flat set wall. However, there was a another piece screwed on top of it. So, the concept is to put people on both sides of the wall and push/pull towards one side to gently walk the wall to the ground. I got put in the middle on the side that was hitting the ground. I damn near got flattened. They didn't realize that there were two sections and one of the sections was snapping off everyone was yelling "it's gonna go get away" but I'm holding up this few thousand pound wall you can't just start running. So i made my way to the side just before it crashed to the ground nearly ripping off my hands. Fucking novices.

On thursday jim and I tried hiking to an abandoned gold mine only to be greeted by a four foot long rattle snake. Video of that coming soon. Get at ya boy.

Phoebe and Me

Today the ferocious Phoebesaurus Rex and I laid out by the pool. I got fucking burnt to a crisp. Then the illustrious rex and I went to class. Then i bought Phoebe ingredients and she cooked Pasta and Turkey Meatballs and it was delicious. Then we went to a bar for a little get together of boston people (it was a boston bar). Then we drove back to the oakwoods.

Professional Truck Driver

Today I woke up bright and dearly and picked up a 17' box truck. Turns out it was in the ghetto of Los Angeles. I was the only white guy for miiiiilllllllleeeesssssss!!!! It looked a lot like Grand Theft Auto San Andreas. With the single story houses lumped next to each other with bars over the windows and the such. Well I just sauntered through in my bright red shirt, I may as well have yelled out "Bloods for Life". It was fun, really.

Then I went to Dapper Cadaver, a prop shop that specializes in gore and the macabre, and met a Morrissey wannabe. This guy had the hair he had the vampire teeth and he had the super long fingernails. He was a complete and utter tool. I picked up an autopsy table, light box with xrays, pistol syringes and various medical instruments.

Picked up three sexy nurse costumes and brought all of it to the LA Convention Center. Got to work with teamsters and Union workers. Laziest fucks ever.

Driving a 17' truck in Los Angeles is fun. I almost hit at least 40 cars. My sideview mirrors were all jacked up on top of it. One of them was missing the part that allows you to see super close to your truck so i had a large blind spot on my driver side and an even larger blind spot on the passenger side, as that mirror wasn't tightened enough and would fly out of place do to the force of wind.

Then I watched Barton Fink.

HOLLA AT YA BOY!

That really hurt Charlie!

I hang out with this dude... eat your heart out!

Wiffle Ball

Played Wiffler at Los Feliz Blvd Park. I hit three home runs in one inning! But we lost :(

Escondido Falls

Phoebe Jim and I went to Escondido Falls in Malibu. It is a 4.5 mile hike to the base of a waterfall. Then there is a vertical climb 50 feet up to a landing then another 150 up to the next tier of the waterfall. The soil was very loose and the path was no more than 2 1/2 feet wide at times with a drop off on one side. Getting up was the easy part. Getting down was another story. You had to lean back on all fours and go into a control slide for about 25 feet at a time.

Then met up with Phoebesaurus and some of her friends at a bar, then played mario tennis with shwa and company then saw eric gulliver on my walk back to my apartment the end.

here's a video of the lower falls.

"live with jesus"

Alright, after working out I went to the pool and wrote some of my script. I bought a 20 oz beer at the convenient store. This fat southern man asks me "is that a beer?" I reply "it sure is". He goes "it's bigger than you". I said "is it?" he says "you going to get loaded?" and I said "no i've had years of practice" he goes "do you know what alcohol does to you?" and i said "yes it makes you popular" and he goes "it destroys your liver" and i said "well live fast" he goes "no you want to live a long life" and i said "it's better to burn out than to fade away" and he goes "no you want to live a long life you want to live with jesus" and i said "i lived with jesus he kept stealing my clothes" he didn't like that but he shut up.

Then i played tennis with Savasti, it was fun and weird considering she didn't like me too long ago. She asked Nikki if I had a crush on her and then i texted her and told her i did jokingly and then she lightened up.

Playing guitar with Jim and doing laundry with Phoebedactyl!

Phoebe. Sushi.

Got some sushi with Phoebe and Pat. Spicy Tuna Tempura, Alaska Rolls, Crab and shrimp rolls, etc. It was great. Then Phoebe and I drank wine and ate popcorn again.

Hollywood Jim

Yesterday I returned to the office and there was a woman from a production company calling for me. I look at my boss and he gives me the "go ahead answer it. it's for you". So I do and this chick starts asking me about Guillermo Del Toro. She wants to send him a cut of a film or something like that. I tell her that she needs to send it to my office first. She asks for my name and give her my full name and apparently the mail room is going to be expecting a package for Mr. Jim Dietter.

I am now Hollywood Jim.

Movie Set, Gill

Day two of a music video. It was outside on this beautiful estate complete with recording studio, swimming pool, manicured lawn. It was ridiculous. I got sunburned today though, it's already summer in L.A.

Then I went to the hottub and there was a marathon runner with his marathon medal talking about the marathon (l.a. marathon was today). Bastard was wasted! WASTED! and he wouldn't stop talking about the angels that carried him that last three miles. Apparently he stopped to poop along the course. Weird. His name was Gill.

Then boo wrecked some bitches in Mario Tennis. Get some.

Your Mother's Lover

I was BBE on set today for a music video for a band called "Your Mother's Lover". The job of the BBE or best boy electric, is to run cable or power lines evenly among different circuits in so a fuse doesn't blow. The house we were shooting in had very old electrical wirings so it was interesting to say the least. The idea is that if there are multiple circuits it's easier to give power. However, on the bottom floor the dining room, family room, kitchen and hallway were all on one circuit. This makes things dicey. If you plug in two big lights to any combination of these rooms you blow a fuse. Also, since the wiring was fried it was near impossible to use a circuit finder to map out the power grid. After much trial and error we finally figured it out. It was fun.

One highlight was a 5k watt light which weighs about 80-100 pounds was needed to light a window from outside. they require a special, heavy duty stand, which we didn't have. So we frankensteined this thing to stand on a plastic light case being held together with wires and c-stands and it was a disaster waiting to happen. And then it happened. Wind caught a tarp that was shielding it from the rain. The tarp caught the light and the light hit the ground. CRASH. 100 pounds of expensive, precision machinery. It started smoking and it was raining pretty good so there was the threat of electrocution/fire. We unplugged it quickly and averted any disaster.

Another was we hooked up a smaller light which had never been used before. Within five minutes a large BANG occurred. The bulb in the light shattered with such a force it destroyed the steel reflector in the light. If the light had an open face and wasn't covered the glass shards would jettison out destroying everything in its path. With that said it was an awesome shoot.

driving balls!

K so today went to work did a bunch of shit yada yada. THEN, jeff jim and I hit golf balls at th emajest golf range. My best was a rocket that went abut 300000 yards! Played some music BUT this is what is really important:

OMG! A BELBER MUSIC VIDEO!

Glory be! I have unearthed a rare find! A DAN BELBER MUSIC VIDEO! Experts have begun analyzing if it's authentic but judging by the unique blend of tough guyness and emoness (a trait found only in Belbers) the scientific community is fairly certain that this is in fact the infamous BELB!

HOT TUB POPPIN BUBBLY!

Went to work. Did script coverage. Then my boss asked me to drop off the master tape of My Name is Bruce to Image, a dvd distribution company. Apparently the company started off distributing pornography and apparently the town they're in, Chatsworth, CA, is the porn capital of the world according to my boss. I didn't have any sightings however.

When I was driving into my apartment complex there was a hummer stopped at the main gate. The driver got out of the car and was frantically searching his car. I got the hint and rolled down my window and held out my access card. He took it and slipped on by. However, the guard at the gate, the white guy who was the cross between William H. Macy and Paul Reubens, the guy I gave the thumbs up to earlier, saw this and had some words for my friend.

Then nikki and I went to the hot tub. No fly girls this time but it was crowded again. Probably 10 people in it. No big deal.

Now I'm writing the next ten pages of my screenplay. Later players!

LA LA LA!!!!

The Oscars. Dreck! I was invited to several Oscar parties but I don't like award shows nor do I like liberals bloviating about politics as if they knew what they were talking about. Shut up John Stewart your political ideology is comparable to that of a 5 year old's, "War is bad, peace is good!". How edgy and intellectual of you.

So instead I played some guitar with Jim. Then Nikki, Alex and I went to the hot tub. Where there was an amateur rap video being shot, or at least it seemed. There was bubble bath in the tub and 4 "fly girls" (see: ghetto trash) getting high, getting drunk, listening to terrible rap and r&b and singing loudly. They started putting on a show for us by dancing provocatively, when they started feeling on each other it was time to go.

It was nothing like this:


But by god how I wished it was.

USC FILM SHOOT

So when my alarm went off at 8:30am this morning, I was 75 percent sure I was going to go back to sleep. I didn't. Instead I went to a movie set on a sound stage at USC with Pat. I learned a ton of a shit about electric! I was on set for fifteen hours though. The director kept taking 8 takes for reaction shots. I started out as a grip and by the end of the day I had been promoted to second AC (assistant camera). ROCK!

USC has a beautiful campus with a beautiful sound stage and beautiful people. And it is right int he middle of EAST LA, the hood.


But enough about me, Enjoy:

Eric Gulliver and A New Guitar!

MY NEW GUITAR ARRIVED! A brand spankign new Seagull S6. It's pretty fucking nice. It has a rich full tone and the fretboard is 1.75 inches wide which is significantly wider than my last guitar, which of course means less finger crowding on more intricate chords! I went over to Jim's and we played some geetar. Then Eric Gulliver showed up and we went back to his place with Sam and Nikki and tried ot watch a movie but ended up talking about conspiracy theories.

Here's a picture of my guitar!



notice the cherry wood sides and top with a full body construction! VERY NICE!

This is a Happy End, Cause you Don't understand

Thursday

Went to class today. Went to dinner with my room mate and my room mate's parents. Drove Hallie home. Sleep...

HALLIESAURUS!

Hallie is in Hollywood this week to cover the Oscars. Her, Pete and Josie (who I intern with) went out to the Blue Room Last night. We watched the lunar eclipse with a bunch of old bar goers. Then we went to Chipotle where they sell burritos and beer! Hallie got both... Then we went to El Guapo for my room mate Jeff's Birthday! They had a bunch of beer pong tables. I played one game with Hallie and lost. Then I dropped Hallie off at her hotel. When I was pulling out of the parking lot some guy made an illegal u-turn in his suv and almost hit me. His car is now face to face with mine. He looks at me as if to say 'WTF?!" I stare back. He doesn't budge for a good 45 seconds. Finally he pusses out and backs up and leaves.

Then on the way back home I swiped my security card at the main gate. Before driving into the oakwoods I stopped and gave the security guard at the gate a thumbs up for about a minute. Finally seeing me this guy who looks like a cross between William H. Macy and Paul Reubens slams his window open and says in a comically hyper voice "YOU GUYS HAVE AN AWESOME NIGHT! YOU HAVE A BETTER THAN AWESOME NIGHT!" He gave us the peace sign. So I said back "You have a better night than us!" Then he goes "PEACE!" and gives us the peace sign. I had enough and drove in!


Here's some funny stuff:

Bruce Campbell

Today, there is a screening for Bruce Campbell's My Name Is Bruce, at the lot I work at. Bruce Campbell just stopped in my office today. I said what's up to him. He chilled in the office for a bit then went out to lunch. No big deal.

For those that don't know, This is Bruce:

Almost Iron Maiden and Snakeheads

Long Day. Anyway, I tried going to Iron Maiden today. My friend was supposed to get tickets for me but wasn't able to. But i got to check out the Forum in Inglewood and that was fun.

Check out this fish:



It's called a snakehead. It's a veracious fish that eats anything in its path. It will even try to kill humans. It can crawl up on dry land live without water for four days! Pretty nuts right?

BTW

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Jessica came to Los Angeles this weekend. Her and I hung out at Starbucks. It was fun. Then Jessica went back to Northern California, where she hasn't been heard from since.

Life is Real

Feeling so high, Temperature rising.

Barney's Slayed

Well, it's Sunday and I've been sick for over a week now. The doctor told me I have the flu but I know I have a sinus infection. That's neither here nor there.

Last night me and some of the good time people went to Barney's Beanery. This was Janis Joplin's favorite watering hole. Jim Morrison and the Doors would chill there too. Morrison got kicked out for urinating on the bar. Quentin Tarantino supposedly wrote Pulp Fiction in one of the booths. Anyway, the place was pretty tight. They had a bunch of pool tables, an air hockey table and a foozball table.

I jumped on the pool table, played some dudes from New York, they put one of their friends on my team so it could be two vs two. I ended up sinking every ball! Then went on to win ten more games. Pool is fun.

Lately I've been jamming with some peeps. Jim Alex and I have been playing some dual guitar with mandolin accompaniement. Then I went to Shwaman's and played some dual guitar with keyboard. But my guitar broke! The neck is coming off the body AGAIN! I have to get it fixed or get a new guitar.

Work to be done... later playas!

Since I left you, I found a world so new.

ISAAC AND GAVIN AND MARIO TENNIS NO BIG DEAl

Started today off with a wicked hang over. There was an open bar last night outside this beautiful theater with lights. It was all run by the Emerson mafia. I drank too much. Anywho, as I was writing in pain I thought to myself "there is no way you're going to miss another Saturday" (I woke up at 430 pm last week with a hangover). So i went to the beach with Nikkita banana and Jim. Venice Beach that is. Place is the sickest shit ever.

Then we went to the hot tub in Oakwoods. Ran into a pair of real winners, Isaac and Gavin. When they weren't busy telling funny jokes like "I'M Gavin" - Isaac and "I'm Isaac" - Gavin "JUST KIDDING!" - both, they were rubbing water on their abs and talking loudly about how some nasty chick wants to have sex with them. Sweet. So after dealing with these mouth breathers for far too long we played some Mario Tennis as Shwa's. Legend, ran that shit won 4 in a row and had to bail, no one can touch wario bitch!

Then hung out at NIkki's. Savasti and Claire provided the entertainment. I never knew people could hate so many things. But combined they hated "bowling, emerson get-to-gethers, men, people with cars, hairy people, small guys, world peace" and a thousand other things. It was great.

Hiking tomorrow.

Remember him?

Answer: Paper cut from pete and pete.

For Kayla

http://www.krem.com/topstories/stories/krem2_020808_albinomoose.a1225c5d.html

Marilyn Manson goes door to door trying to scare people

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28771

"Look at me, suburban dung," Manson told Wesley. "Does this shock you?"

but seriously, the dude rocks:

Desperate Housewives is a shitty show

I watched desperate housewives in class today. That show is the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen in my life. Seriously, seriously. Seriously? Desperate housewives. If you like that show you're a moron.

Aight then I went to a mall to buy a collared shirt for work. I figured 20 bucks, in and out, and i'm looking like a fly bitch. Nope. Cheapest shirt I could find at Macy's was 60 dollars. Old Navy? 40 dollars. WTF?!

Found a shirt for fifty percent off. 30 dollars later I was getting the "oh, you buy clothes on sale" look from the cashier and I was looking like a fly bitch.

Here's an example of how shitty Desperate Housewives is:

Behold!

Whos Jazzes more flutes than me?

Tonight I played poker. Seven of us played. I got down to the final three, went all in and lost. I had ace, queen suited my opponent four, 5 off-suit. He flopped a five. I got nothing I lost.

Then I played mario Tennis! And won every game. Wario, baby!

Oh, also, the moment of truth show on fox is brilliant. If I were the host i'd just ask "would you have sex with me after the show".

Life as the Superbowl champs.

Alright, so I don't know if you guys watched that Superbowl, but the fucking Giants won! The FUCKING GIANTS! GIANTS BABY!

Project Pat and Speed Trap Alex invited me to their friend's house for the game. I went and it was a good turn out. 40 people, lots of food, some babes. I knew a few faces. Some recent, some from my past, see: Adam Ginavisian. I sit in a neck-cramping position in the corner of the room (seats were at a premium). The game starts.

Holy shit! GIANTS 10 minute drive to start things off. I try to remain neutral so I don't piss off the heavilly Patriots-biased crowd. 5 third down conversions later, "FUCK IT! I'M FLYING MY COLORS!". I stand up "GIANTS BABY!"... silence. Except one person "dude you're going to be my new friend". I look back and some gregarious fellow is sporting a Shockey jersey. Strength in numbers... I don't have to be faster than all the Patriots fans I just have ot be faster than the other Giants fan in the room. Same is true for bears, lions, disgruntled Hillary Clinton Supporters and PETA members.

Game wears on. Giants blow some opportunites but hang in there. Halftime: Patriots 7, Giants 3. I'll take it.

Beer, tossing a football, conversation with Tom about how the Giants have a shot. We both say "Superbowl Champions" then hang up. Back to my corner. Showtime.

More of a defensive battle. A few circus plays, fumbles interceptions. Neither team gains ground. Then the Giants strike. Eli to Tyree. I go nuts.

Fourth quarter, seven minutes left. Eli falters the Giants had a shot at an easy first down and blow it. I've seen this before. This is when the Patriots strike.

Brady starts his drive. The Patriots fan come out of their cocoon. There's no stopping them. Moss for a T.D. in the endzone. FUCK! Project Pat tells me I can sit down now. This does little more than remind me that I have been standing for the last twenty minutes. I smile and continue standing.

It's important to note that before the game I bought a new wallet. I don't know why. It was an impulse buy. I was buying a single beer before the game and saw a six dollar wallet and purchased it. It's the first time I've ever bought a wallet and the second one I've owned in my life (my first came with a pair of jeans and lasted six years).

I transfer the contents of the wallets and find a wrinkled up two dollar bill I had from 2002, when I was an employee at Starbucks in Newtown, Ct. A customer gave it to me and I put two singles in the register and kept it for myself. That bill looked more like a ripped up tissue. It's been through pools of pudding, the ocean, washing machines and hell itself. I uncrumpled it.

Well the point is every time I flattened it out some more something good would happen for the Giants. A good luck charm? Sure, I'll take it.

So two minutes left in the game. I am clutching that fucking dollar so tight, I was half expecting a diamond to form in my vice-like palms.

Eli starts the drive. Then it looks like all is lost. Eli breaks free and "HOLY SHIT! DAVID TYREE!" "HOLY SHIT!" "OH MY GOD!" "DUDE THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!" "OH MY GOD!" "OH MY GOD, DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT!" Me and Dave (the other Giants fan) were going nuts. We didn't say it but we knew.

The Giants were destined to win this one. After that catch there was nothing that was going to stop us.

The 25 yard floater to Burress was a formality at that point. The juggernaut had fallen and a new world order had been established. New blood coursed through the veins of football royalty. In other words: GIANTS BABY!

Got a gun, fact I got two. That's ok man, cause I love god.

Excerpts from my Convo with kayla

kayla and i talked about pooping today.

use your imagination.

oh becky and belber hooked up or something... that's even more gross

PWNT!

There's a Gentleman inquiring about a glass.

Believe it or not, Ripley!

On Sunset Blvd.

Don Knotts vs Jimmy Carter Which is which/

Bring on the Yams New Years '08

Todd Conners FTW

"LA CUT"

B-Rod and I went to get my head un-fucked up at a local barber shop. I got my head threads chopped by a chick with man-hands a thousand tattoos and obtrusive piercings. She left me with a 'hawk. A true L.A. Cut. Legend.

HOOOOONK

Gettin My Kicks

Hmm so in the last two days, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico have fallen to my destructive path. I'm in Holbrook, Az right now. Highlights of the trip. Ah yes the shacks of Arkansas. I don't know what is with that state but as soon as you cross the border things become a thousand times shittier and as soon as you leave things become a thousand times better. The whole time I was playing a game to determine if people actually lived in the shacks on the side of the road or if they were just large shits left by abnormally large cows. I still haven't made up my mind on many of them. However, there was a place in Arkansas called Hog Trough Liquor, that was pretty epic. Then Oklahoma. I stayed a hotel with a miniature golf course inside and a gazebo restaurant, sickest place yet. I went to Western Sizzler Buffet in Elk City, Ok. It was a real trip I accidentally ate catfish and then went to the hotel and threw it all up realizing I ate seafood at a western Buffet.

Then on to Texas where there is nothing but fields and huge oil pumps. Then New Mexico which sends you through the mountains at my highest elevation the sign read 6,000 feet. I didn't stop once in New Mexico. Once you cross into New Mexico you start a moderate descent that does not get interrupted for literally thirty miles. Just a striaght shot down from the mountain top to sea level. Now I'm watching the Patriots win. They're g.

I was watching celebrity rehab and Jamie Foxworthy was on it. The smallest girl on Family Matters. Apparently she has a marijuana addiction and starred in a few pornos to pay the bills.

Master of the Road Day 2: Twister!

Today was the end of Virginia and Tennesse. Tenn-a-fucking see! Let me tell you about Tennesee. The first 4 hours of driving were in driving rain topped off with thick fog on the twisty mountain tops. Then fifteen minutes outside Nashville I saw a large black cloud with lightning. I tune my radio to a local station which is about to give a weather update when a bolt of lightning cuts the station's signal. Another station gladly tells me there is a tornado heading down I-40. I check my GPS and find out i'm in the path of the tornado. To compound matters I realized I had just recently passed the last rest area for quite a while. The rain picks up going down the hill. Then a thick black cloud unhinges its jaw and swallows my car whole. Like a wet sock in a dryer I was in black vortex with literally a foot of visibility and getting pummeled by all sides. The sound was constant and threatening; a mix of wind, rain and finally hail. Navigating by feel, I limped my car over the rumble strip and hoped that a runaway truck didn't slam into me. Isolated in darkness there was no way off telling what was around me. The only relief from the dark were the lightning bolts which ripped through the sky like glowing white blades through a black burlap sacks. After three minutes of car-bucking winds, mother nature decided I had passed her rite of passage or just got bored fucking with me and gathered up her tempest as abruptly as it began leaving sunshine peering through white fluffy clouds. If it weren't for the pools of water in the farmer's fields there would be no trace of the twister. As a reward for enduring the shit storm Tennesse gave me a red sky sunset abover its gently rolling hills for the remainder of the day.

Ya know it's really nothing like this:



but it'd be sweet if it were.

Furthermore, in Virginia, there is a road, "route 666" the portion I happened over was named "Hogback Road". Legend!

Dude Kills it.

This song is currently being retired as Florida's national song because of racial undertones. Let's give it some respect first shall we?

Road Master Day 1

580 miles down a few thousand more to go. I'm in Salem, Virginia right now. Proof that I'm better at driving than you are. More on that later.

Lol

I KEA YA!

The Swedish, man! The fucking Swedish! They know how to make a fucking furniture store. First time I ever want to that gargantuan place. Oh Billie is it a doozy. The only problem was that some one dropped a turd in one of the bath tubs and I think I know who did it... Tom Neylon! Kayla got lost and when I found her she was stuck inside an egg chair!

speaking of swedish...



Legend.