Burger King

I worked on a movie set this weekend, it was so fucking wild I am going to need a week to reflect on it.

Today, I went to Burger King to take advantage of a special they are having; $1 double cheeseburgers. I waited in line for what seemed like forever, as everyone else also decided they wanted flame-broiled, shit-infested hamburgers. There was only one person at the cash register, her name was Zayda, some hot piece of latina ass. Lol. Behind me was an old man wearing a suit. I looked at his hands and saw he had a gold pinky ring, adorned with a gold eagle clutching several diamonds in its claw. He also had a red lapel, he was a real trip.

So we're waiting in line and finally I turn to him and say, "Well, we're really going to earn this one" and he shook his head and said, "I've never seen it like this before". Then he continued bloviating about the economy. The whole time I'm wondering why such a snazzy-dressed guy is ordering diarrhea in a bag, at Burger King.

I finally get up to the counter, Zayda is struggling with the orders. I'm freaking out, man, but I find some composure and ask, "How are you doing today?". She was completely thrown off guard, as I'm sure she was used to pissed-off, impatient people gruffly barking things like, "Give me a fucking Whopper, none of that pickle bullshit, some of those bitch-ass fries you motherfuckers like to cook so much and large-ass cup of Doctah fuckin' Peppah, you two-cent burger bitch". So, I catch her off guard, and Zayda is all smiling and like, "I'm good, thanks for asking". I could have bagged her like she bags fries all day long, right there, but, like I said, there was a long line behind me. And if I go into the backroom with this broad who is going to serve the hungry masses?

I am waiting for my food and I see some woman, 40s, in a velour track suit, beat-red pumpkin face, yapping on her cell phone. Her son, in complimenting beige track suit, 24, is following her around. I finally hone in to what she's saying. She's going to sue Burger King and some towing company. She then gets off the phone, harasses Zayda, flips over a sign they had displayed next to the cash register, which was advertising apple fries, because they didn't have any more apple fries in the store and then starts banging on the door that separates the employees from the public. I pop up from my booth, and approach her and ask her if there is a problem. She is completely taken aback, but then tells me how her son's car was towed from Burger King parking lot. And she wants blood.

So, I tell her my concern is she's taking out her frustration on the employees, who get paid shit to wear humiliating outfits, get to deal with insensitive bastards all day long and then get fired in a heartbeat when the company's profits turn south because the boss is involved in a grizzly porn scandal. The woman put up some resistance, and I just reminded her that she didn't know who called the tow company for sure, so it wasn't fair to treat everyone like they were lower than her. She agreed, walked over to an empty spot on the counter and politely asked for the manager's name and number.

I got my food and as I left I told her to hang in there. She smiled and said thank you and I ate two disgusting double cheeseburgers. Moral of the story: Fuck Burger King.