Got a gun, fact I got two. That's ok man, cause I love god.

Excerpts from my Convo with kayla

kayla and i talked about pooping today.

use your imagination.

oh becky and belber hooked up or something... that's even more gross

PWNT!

There's a Gentleman inquiring about a glass.

Believe it or not, Ripley!

On Sunset Blvd.

Don Knotts vs Jimmy Carter Which is which/

Bring on the Yams New Years '08

Todd Conners FTW

"LA CUT"

B-Rod and I went to get my head un-fucked up at a local barber shop. I got my head threads chopped by a chick with man-hands a thousand tattoos and obtrusive piercings. She left me with a 'hawk. A true L.A. Cut. Legend.

HOOOOONK

Gettin My Kicks

Hmm so in the last two days, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico have fallen to my destructive path. I'm in Holbrook, Az right now. Highlights of the trip. Ah yes the shacks of Arkansas. I don't know what is with that state but as soon as you cross the border things become a thousand times shittier and as soon as you leave things become a thousand times better. The whole time I was playing a game to determine if people actually lived in the shacks on the side of the road or if they were just large shits left by abnormally large cows. I still haven't made up my mind on many of them. However, there was a place in Arkansas called Hog Trough Liquor, that was pretty epic. Then Oklahoma. I stayed a hotel with a miniature golf course inside and a gazebo restaurant, sickest place yet. I went to Western Sizzler Buffet in Elk City, Ok. It was a real trip I accidentally ate catfish and then went to the hotel and threw it all up realizing I ate seafood at a western Buffet.

Then on to Texas where there is nothing but fields and huge oil pumps. Then New Mexico which sends you through the mountains at my highest elevation the sign read 6,000 feet. I didn't stop once in New Mexico. Once you cross into New Mexico you start a moderate descent that does not get interrupted for literally thirty miles. Just a striaght shot down from the mountain top to sea level. Now I'm watching the Patriots win. They're g.

I was watching celebrity rehab and Jamie Foxworthy was on it. The smallest girl on Family Matters. Apparently she has a marijuana addiction and starred in a few pornos to pay the bills.

Master of the Road Day 2: Twister!

Today was the end of Virginia and Tennesse. Tenn-a-fucking see! Let me tell you about Tennesee. The first 4 hours of driving were in driving rain topped off with thick fog on the twisty mountain tops. Then fifteen minutes outside Nashville I saw a large black cloud with lightning. I tune my radio to a local station which is about to give a weather update when a bolt of lightning cuts the station's signal. Another station gladly tells me there is a tornado heading down I-40. I check my GPS and find out i'm in the path of the tornado. To compound matters I realized I had just recently passed the last rest area for quite a while. The rain picks up going down the hill. Then a thick black cloud unhinges its jaw and swallows my car whole. Like a wet sock in a dryer I was in black vortex with literally a foot of visibility and getting pummeled by all sides. The sound was constant and threatening; a mix of wind, rain and finally hail. Navigating by feel, I limped my car over the rumble strip and hoped that a runaway truck didn't slam into me. Isolated in darkness there was no way off telling what was around me. The only relief from the dark were the lightning bolts which ripped through the sky like glowing white blades through a black burlap sacks. After three minutes of car-bucking winds, mother nature decided I had passed her rite of passage or just got bored fucking with me and gathered up her tempest as abruptly as it began leaving sunshine peering through white fluffy clouds. If it weren't for the pools of water in the farmer's fields there would be no trace of the twister. As a reward for enduring the shit storm Tennesse gave me a red sky sunset abover its gently rolling hills for the remainder of the day.

Ya know it's really nothing like this:



but it'd be sweet if it were.

Furthermore, in Virginia, there is a road, "route 666" the portion I happened over was named "Hogback Road". Legend!

Dude Kills it.

This song is currently being retired as Florida's national song because of racial undertones. Let's give it some respect first shall we?

Road Master Day 1

580 miles down a few thousand more to go. I'm in Salem, Virginia right now. Proof that I'm better at driving than you are. More on that later.

Lol

I KEA YA!

The Swedish, man! The fucking Swedish! They know how to make a fucking furniture store. First time I ever want to that gargantuan place. Oh Billie is it a doozy. The only problem was that some one dropped a turd in one of the bath tubs and I think I know who did it... Tom Neylon! Kayla got lost and when I found her she was stuck inside an egg chair!

speaking of swedish...



Legend.