Grunge Worthy

Behold the 90s

2009-02-04T00:32:00.000-08:00

Kick off those sad shoes and let the bare toes tingle.

2009-02-02T01:00:00.003-08:00

The 80s were fucking rad!

2009-01-31T01:11:00.001-08:00

DOG FOOD!

Writing Prompt

2009-01-29T01:28:00.001-08:00

I was told to write a story between myself and a friend, where I was to be a puffer fish and she was an albatross. Here's the first installment I jotted down last night:

The door chime TINK-TINGED, waking up the Filipino store clerk of Beach Pets Emporium. The tabby cat, lying in a sliver of sunlight, lazily raised her head towards the door, unimpressed, she return to her sun-soaked slumber.
The visitor was hardly anything to behold; a middle-aged fisherman, tan sun-hat adorning his head, rod in his right hand, bucket in his left. The ocean had seen a billion of similar sportsmen, and before it was all said and done, that number would just be the proverbial drop in the ocean.
The Filipino store owner, still half-asleep, reverted to his instincts. “Can I help you, sir?” he buzzed, his brain on autopilot.
The fisherman looked at the hand-drawn sign above the cash register, which read “We Buy And Sell Fish”. “Why I believe you can,” the fisherman replied as he put the white five-gallon paint bucket on the counter. “I’m in the fish selling market and a little birdie told me you were in the fish buying market”.
“Fish buying market, fish buying market”. A parakeet was more than happy to play along.
“Why, I believe it was that very one who told me,” the fisherman stood tall, pleased with his wit.
“What have you got for me?” the clerk queried.
“Only the finest in tropical fish; exotic, interesting, colorful,” the fisherman leaned in. “Some would go as far as to say sexy.” He winked at the clerk and continued on, unconcerned by the lack of response. “Put up one hell of a fight. For a minute I thought I was going to have to cut my line, on account of I figured I snagged my rig on one of them Jap sea scooters you see zipping around out there”.
The clerk had heard enough sales-pitch. He reached for the bucket’s lid but was thwarted as the fisherman slapped his hands away. The fisherman reached into his back pocket and pulled out a screw-driver. “That lid’s on too tight for any man to just reach at and open, I made sure of it.” The fisherman wedged the screwdriver in between the bucket and the lid. “When you run across something this special, you don’t take risks”. He popped the lid off. The clerk looked in.
The Filipino’s face turned into a toothy grin. He exhaled a chuckle. “That’s it?” he prodded, “that’s your sexy fish?”
Inside the bucket was a tiny gray fish, long and slender, several orange markings on his back were the only things that would have made it stand out from the endless monochrome of the bland ocean floor.
“You haven’t seen what it can do yet,” the fisherman recovered, desperately trying to maintain the upper-hand.
He gripped the screwdriver tight and dipped it slowly into the water, moving it closer and closer to the tiny gray fish until the metal tip tapped the sea-creature on the head. Instantly, the tiny fish ballooned to 5 times its original size, revealing its true beauty. Oranges, reds, blues and greens, hidden in the folds of the mutable fish became a visual feast of colors. The fisherman was right; to most, this was no ordinary fish.
To the shopkeeper, born and raised on a tropical island, however, it was, “Just another puffer fish.”
The fisherman’s jaw dropped. The Clerk picked up the bucket and put it behind the counter, “I’ll pay you five dollars, take it or leave it”.
The fisherman, still reeling, slammed his hand against the counter. “Now wait just a minute,” he started up. The shopkeeper knew where this was going.
“I said take it or leave it”. The Filipino knew he had won.
“Fine”. Now was the time to save face. “But I want my bucket back”. The clerk shrugged, poured the bucket into a temporary bowl and handed the fisherman a crumpled five dollar bill.
The fisherman left with more than a simple door-chime. Even the unflappable cat covered her orange triangle ears with the pads of her paws.
The store owner decided to get a closer look at his new investment.. The water and the glass of the fish bowl distorted the puffer’s visage, wrapping the fish into a fun house mirror. “I know just where to put you,” the store owner said with a smile, as he picked up the fish bowl, sending a small splash of water to jettison out of the glass container.
The shop keeper maneuvered through the cluttered store, managing only to nip the tip of the tabby cat’s pipe-cleaner tail. A soft meow was the only protest.
Past rows of fish, the store owner paraded his new ware. There was no time for formal introductions, nor should there be; in a place like this, a fish never knew how long he’d last before he was sold to the glass-tapping brat, who was a little too trigger happy on the toilet bowl flusher. The groupers scowled at the puffer as the seahorses giggled, maintaining an heir of supremacy with their inside jokes, while the industrious goldfish population w busy plotting their bourgeoisie revolt, unbeknownst to the regal lobsters and well-to-do, oyster-bearing clams.
Finally, the shop keeper dusted off the end of the aisle and placed the fish bowl between the bait tank and start of the bird cages. The store owner grabbed a water filter and plopped it in the bowl. “That should do for now,” he convinced himself, admiring his less-than-handy work.
The puffer watched as the shop owner disappeared out of view. The lights flicked off and the door chime was heard once more. The puffer was the last transaction of the day, but hardly the end of the excitement.
“Get a load of the new guy” a voice broke the hum of the aquarium aerators.
“I say he lasts a day before we find him upside down,” a female voice accompanies the first heckler.
“A day?! Try an hour. I’ve seen his type, their used to the ocean, with their fancy corral, and their fancy sea-shells,” a third voice chided.
“How’s it feel to be behind glass? Could be worse, tomorrow we could find you under porcelain.” Laughter erupts.
The puffer realizes he’s the butt of the jokes, but it’s too dark.
“Who’s there?” the puffer timidly probes.
“Aww, ocean boy is afraid of the dark,” is the only response he got. Then, appears a spark in the distance. And then another one, followed by a blinding light.
“Not again! Turn that thing down,” another voice pleads.
Three electric eels, wrapped around each other are using their power to light up an aquarium bulb lodged in the mouth of one of the eels. The row of fish tanks is illuminated. One of the eels breaks from the electric chain. The light goes from blinding to reasonable. “Sorry about that,” the eel politely apologized.
The puffer saw his audience for the first time. Rows of tanks contained fish poking their head out of the water, eying their new target. “I don’t want any trouble,” the puffer tried. Laughter erupted again.
“Did you hear that? The new guy doesn’t want trouble. He wouldn’t know trouble if it was a three ton shark swimming next to him,” a fat goldfish jeers, followed by a fit of hacking laughter, which then transformed into a crescendo of cat-calls and heckles.
The puffer cowered against the back of his tank, the eels’ make-shift spotlight still directly in his eyes. He put up a fin to try to lessen the glare, but it’s still uncomfortably bright.
“I say we fry him!” a voice cried out. “Fried shrimp is on the menu tonight!” another fish chimed in. This was all the crowd needed. Chants of “FRY HIM! FRY HIM! FRY HIM!” quickly became thunderous. The puffer’s bowl shook, as the other fish worked together, banging the sides of their tanks, the vibrations rattling the puffer’s smaller fish bowl sending it towards the edge.
The puffer saw his own death, four feet below in the form of black and white linoleum, and the eager eyes of a hungry, orange, tabby cat. The fish bowl teetered on the edge, a feather’s weight away from falling. And then, a loud crash interrupted the chants as the light quickly disappeared.
“That’s enough!” a strong female voice boomed. A soft light clicked on, revealing an albatross, clutching a broken bulb in its talons, the eel still holding on with his mouth. Another eel illuminates the scene with a smaller bulb. “I won’t drop him on the ground if you promise to stop the fighting and let the rest of us get some sleep. The albatross stood perched over the eels’ tank. “And stop pointing that light…” she lets the light bulb-clutching eel fall into is tank, bonking his comrade on the head, “… in everyone's faces.
The albatross returned to her perch, in the shadows, next to the puffer’s tank.
“Thanks, for your help, I thought I was cat food for a minute,” the puffer addressed his hero.
“Mhmm,” the albatross is not interested in glory, just sleep.
“My name’s Jim, what’s yours?” the puffer inquired.
“It’s not important,” the albatross quickly replied.
“Sure it is, I’d like to know the person who saved my life.”
“Trust me, kid, I haven’t saved anyone, you still got a long way to go before you’re safe.”
Jim, the puffer, realized he’s still all alone, even his guardian had nothing nice to say to him. He laid flat on the bowl’s floor and started to sob.
“My name’s Sarah, now would you please stop crying,” the albatross said, with great agitation in her voice.
Jim perked up. “Thank you, Sarah.”

TO BE CONTINUED.

Hand Made Jewelry!

2009-01-27T20:37:00.000-08:00

My friend, Kyle Neidig, is a craftsman of fine jewelry. Everything is hand-made and a steal at the low prices he's offering. He's been trained by Native Americans in the art of jewelry making, check out his stuff here:

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6816650

Burger King

2009-01-27T20:15:00.000-08:00

I worked on a movie set this weekend, it was so fucking wild I am going to need a week to reflect on it.

Today, I went to Burger King to take advantage of a special they are having; $1 double cheeseburgers. I waited in line for what seemed like forever, as everyone else also decided they wanted flame-broiled, shit-infested hamburgers. There was only one person at the cash register, her name was Zayda, some hot piece of latina ass. Lol. Behind me was an old man wearing a suit. I looked at his hands and saw he had a gold pinky ring, adorned with a gold eagle clutching several diamonds in its claw. He also had a red lapel, he was a real trip.

So we're waiting in line and finally I turn to him and say, "Well, we're really going to earn this one" and he shook his head and said, "I've never seen it like this before". Then he continued bloviating about the economy. The whole time I'm wondering why such a snazzy-dressed guy is ordering diarrhea in a bag, at Burger King.

I finally get up to the counter, Zayda is struggling with the orders. I'm freaking out, man, but I find some composure and ask, "How are you doing today?". She was completely thrown off guard, as I'm sure she was used to pissed-off, impatient people gruffly barking things like, "Give me a fucking Whopper, none of that pickle bullshit, some of those bitch-ass fries you motherfuckers like to cook so much and large-ass cup of Doctah fuckin' Peppah, you two-cent burger bitch". So, I catch her off guard, and Zayda is all smiling and like, "I'm good, thanks for asking". I could have bagged her like she bags fries all day long, right there, but, like I said, there was a long line behind me. And if I go into the backroom with this broad who is going to serve the hungry masses?

I am waiting for my food and I see some woman, 40s, in a velour track suit, beat-red pumpkin face, yapping on her cell phone. Her son, in complimenting beige track suit, 24, is following her around. I finally hone in to what she's saying. She's going to sue Burger King and some towing company. She then gets off the phone, harasses Zayda, flips over a sign they had displayed next to the cash register, which was advertising apple fries, because they didn't have any more apple fries in the store and then starts banging on the door that separates the employees from the public. I pop up from my booth, and approach her and ask her if there is a problem. She is completely taken aback, but then tells me how her son's car was towed from Burger King parking lot. And she wants blood.

So, I tell her my concern is she's taking out her frustration on the employees, who get paid shit to wear humiliating outfits, get to deal with insensitive bastards all day long and then get fired in a heartbeat when the company's profits turn south because the boss is involved in a grizzly porn scandal. The woman put up some resistance, and I just reminded her that she didn't know who called the tow company for sure, so it wasn't fair to treat everyone like they were lower than her. She agreed, walked over to an empty spot on the counter and politely asked for the manager's name and number.

I got my food and as I left I told her to hang in there. She smiled and said thank you and I ate two disgusting double cheeseburgers. Moral of the story: Fuck Burger King.

The Fisher King

2009-01-22T02:33:00.000-08:00

Went for a jog with Nikkita banana. Lifted some heavy weights, grocery shopping, hit up a few bars. Played fooseball wit Davis. Then watched the Fisher King, it's amazing movie, everyone should see it.

Here's a clip from it.

Goth Club Egyptian Sailing

2009-01-18T01:24:00.000-08:00

Friday night I went to a Goth Club, dressed as a Goth. It was magnificent. We walked in to a smoked out dance floor with lazers and a bunch of creatures, including a fat black lady wearing a maid outfit, goth dancing to bizarre techno remixes. The dancing was insane. Everyone slithered, crawled, gyrated and scratched at the night. It was unlike anything I've ever seen.

I literally would burst out laughing at times. Needless to say, I hit the dance floor pretty hard and let 'er rip.

Also, there was a nice flagellation room attached to the dance floor, where a bunch of half naked chicks wearing only nipple pasties and under wear were getting beat up by dudes with whips. There were chained to cages and the such, and there was shocking demonstrations, a general freak show basically.

Today, I went sailing with an Egyptian man named Yasir. He was an effin trip. Saw a bunch of dolphins rocking out in the water, buncha seals, buncha stuff. Then Yasir started talking about how he wanted to kill himself if he lived past the age of seventy. And then things got weird. He was talking about how he had planned out drowning himself with an anchor, and he wanted to wear scuba gear ot the bottom so he could see what was up as he sank into oblivion. Guy put a little too much thought into his own death for my comfort level. Should have gone to the Goth club with us.

Tonight, I went hog wild at a pool hall. Saw an awesome band perform, played pool, beat some dude bro. Then got embarassed by this fat dude with a bald head and ultra styled goatee. His name was Santo. He owned a billiards hall, and would just run the table, if you were lucky enough to have him miss once you better finish your rack or he'd take it to the house on his next turn. He'd embarrass his opponent then look at the chalk board that had the next opponent's name and yell it out, challenging his next unlucky couterpart to get a piece.

This weekend was RIDICULOUS.

Holler back at me.

A LoL

2009-01-16T21:24:00.001-08:00

Since We Last left off.

2009-01-13T19:51:00.001-08:00

A ton of stuff has happened.

Davis and I have been doing all sorts of tit things. Today we bought a bunch of food, see: ribs, onions, bell peppers (Red), carrots (pronounce KUH-rhuts) and CORN. We fucking prepped that sit with butter and cayenne pepper and salt and f'in cooked that muffa. Then we's ate its.

Now, like I'm trying to get a job as something better than where I'm at. Feel me? Thanks.

Also, here's a picture of the view from my friend, T.K.'s house. I put a bunch of pictures in a panorama then p. shop'd the shit out of it.

Enjoy.

One more night in Hollywood

2009-01-08T15:57:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNF1a-ZG1uc

Kill it.

I'm Feeling it

2009-01-07T20:34:00.001-08:00

Ah yes, where we last left off I was busy losing my job. And I successfully did.

Davis has been chillin at my place. We went ot a couple of apartments, broke in in n out burger, got a couch, rearranged a couch, said FUCK YO couch.

Went to a concert last night. Saw the Franks, the Pacifics and Pop Noir.

I think I was wearing a sign because I was approached by two females. One was a 30 year old spiritual healer, who loved me. Another was a 19 year old who wanted me to buy her alcohol.

Then I talked to this hot chick from a rich part of brooklyn. She was real hot. We hit it off and then I realized she was a stripper and realized we probably wouldn't have too much in common in terms of lifestyle.

I took a bunch of pictures of the bands. Some are alright.

I'm watching Gangs of New York right now.

Last Day at Brookstone

2009-01-04T22:22:00.000-08:00

I worked my last day at Brookstone today. I was Seasonal help, now I am yesterday's news.

Hmm... bought a remote control helicopter for 20 bucks. Photoshop'd a picture from the Adirondacs. Listned to Ian Anderson. He has a song called photo shop, but it refers to a mortar and brick store, a literal photo shop. Technology...

Here's the pic.

Hours last forever in the Calliandra shade.

Also, watched an awesome documentary called "Yellowstone in Winter" on PBS. It makes me realize more than anything that I want to work as a nature documentarist. Holla @ ya boi.

Picture from Griffith Park

2009-01-03T23:47:00.001-08:00

A picture I took on my hike in Griffith Park. I found the juxtaposition of nature and civilization very interesting.

Fear me,
Your lives are fodder
for the looking glass,
Recorded
Captured
Altered
Turned into a commodity.

I'm Back! IKEA!

2009-01-01T19:19:00.000-08:00

Last time I was updating my blog, I was living in Los Angeles. Which is fitting, as I'm once again living in Los Angeles. So by request of Jessica, my blog is BACK!

It's the first day of the new year. This of course means one thing, great deals on craigslist.org. MOVING DAY.

Purchased a rolling desk for 10 bucks from some hippie dude in Glendale. We both discussed our sober New Years Eve.

Then went to Ikea and bought a rolling desk chair, which was on sale for 15 bucks. And an Elephant's Foot Plant, which I named Gorgonzola, three cacti and a hanging closet organizer for clothes.

I'm also going to do laundry and write some more of my screenplay.

My New Year's Resolutions:

Get on a nature documentary by the end of this year.
Direct a short film/video.
Finish my screenplay
Start a band
Get a girlfriend
Have coitus with my girlfriend
Don't get depressed when my girlfriend breaks up with me.
Stop drinking.

Speaking of stopping drinking, I had a breakthrough today. An expensive bottle of liquor almost destroyed me today when I opened my freezer door. It was teetering on the edge above the fridge. It came crashing down, spilling everywhere. It was a clear omen, death from above: Alcohol. Dude, I'm sober for good now. From 2009 onward alcohol will not enter my system.

Coitus on the other hand... Bring it!

Pictures coming soon of a bunch of hikes I've gone on.

rattle snake vs me

2008-04-04T17:22:00.000-07:00

New Belber Music Video

2008-03-26T16:37:00.001-07:00

Hiatus

2008-03-21T11:37:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm sure many of you were wondering what had happened to me. Not to worry. I just was busy. On wednesday I PA'd for a this television show "south of nowhere". I went to a youth correctional facility, where driftwood was shot and disassembled a set. One highlight was this amateurish crew was taking down a large 30x10 flat set wall. However, there was a another piece screwed on top of it. So, the concept is to put people on both sides of the wall and push/pull towards one side to gently walk the wall to the ground. I got put in the middle on the side that was hitting the ground. I damn near got flattened. They didn't realize that there were two sections and one of the sections was snapping off everyone was yelling "it's gonna go get away" but I'm holding up this few thousand pound wall you can't just start running. So i made my way to the side just before it crashed to the ground nearly ripping off my hands. Fucking novices.

On thursday jim and I tried hiking to an abandoned gold mine only to be greeted by a four foot long rattle snake. Video of that coming soon. Get at ya boy.

Phoebe and Me

2008-03-14T10:10:00.001-07:00

Today the ferocious Phoebesaurus Rex and I laid out by the pool. I got fucking burnt to a crisp. Then the illustrious rex and I went to class. Then i bought Phoebe ingredients and she cooked Pasta and Turkey Meatballs and it was delicious. Then we went to a bar for a little get together of boston people (it was a boston bar). Then we drove back to the oakwoods.

Professional Truck Driver

2008-03-12T22:28:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up bright and dearly and picked up a 17' box truck. Turns out it was in the ghetto of Los Angeles. I was the only white guy for miiiiilllllllleeeesssssss!!!! It looked a lot like Grand Theft Auto San Andreas. With the single story houses lumped next to each other with bars over the windows and the such. Well I just sauntered through in my bright red shirt, I may as well have yelled out "Bloods for Life". It was fun, really.

Then I went to Dapper Cadaver, a prop shop that specializes in gore and the macabre, and met a Morrissey wannabe. This guy had the hair he had the vampire teeth and he had the super long fingernails. He was a complete and utter tool. I picked up an autopsy table, light box with xrays, pistol syringes and various medical instruments.

Picked up three sexy nurse costumes and brought all of it to the LA Convention Center. Got to work with teamsters and Union workers. Laziest fucks ever.

Driving a 17' truck in Los Angeles is fun. I almost hit at least 40 cars. My sideview mirrors were all jacked up on top of it. One of them was missing the part that allows you to see super close to your truck so i had a large blind spot on my driver side and an even larger blind spot on the passenger side, as that mirror wasn't tightened enough and would fly out of place do to the force of wind.

Then I watched Barton Fink.

HOLLA AT YA BOY!

That really hurt Charlie!

2008-03-11T15:22:00.001-07:00

I hang out with this dude... eat your heart out!

2008-03-10T22:54:00.000-07:00

Wiffle Ball

2008-03-10T09:59:00.000-07:00

Played Wiffler at Los Feliz Blvd Park. I hit three home runs in one inning! But we lost :(

Escondido Falls

2008-03-06T19:54:00.000-08:00

Phoebe Jim and I went to Escondido Falls in Malibu. It is a 4.5 mile hike to the base of a waterfall. Then there is a vertical climb 50 feet up to a landing then another 150 up to the next tier of the waterfall. The soil was very loose and the path was no more than 2 1/2 feet wide at times with a drop off on one side. Getting up was the easy part. Getting down was another story. You had to lean back on all fours and go into a control slide for about 25 feet at a time.

Then met up with Phoebesaurus and some of her friends at a bar, then played mario tennis with shwa and company then saw eric gulliver on my walk back to my apartment the end.

here's a video of the lower falls.

"live with jesus"

2008-03-05T21:03:00.000-08:00

Alright, after working out I went to the pool and wrote some of my script. I bought a 20 oz beer at the convenient store. This fat southern man asks me "is that a beer?" I reply "it sure is". He goes "it's bigger than you". I said "is it?" he says "you going to get loaded?" and I said "no i've had years of practice" he goes "do you know what alcohol does to you?" and i said "yes it makes you popular" and he goes "it destroys your liver" and i said "well live fast" he goes "no you want to live a long life" and i said "it's better to burn out than to fade away" and he goes "no you want to live a long life you want to live with jesus" and i said "i lived with jesus he kept stealing my clothes" he didn't like that but he shut up.

Then i played tennis with Savasti, it was fun and weird considering she didn't like me too long ago. She asked Nikki if I had a crush on her and then i texted her and told her i did jokingly and then she lightened up.

Playing guitar with Jim and doing laundry with Phoebedactyl!

Phoebe. Sushi.

2008-03-05T11:04:00.000-08:00

Got some sushi with Phoebe and Pat. Spicy Tuna Tempura, Alaska Rolls, Crab and shrimp rolls, etc. It was great. Then Phoebe and I drank wine and ate popcorn again.

Hollywood Jim

2008-03-04T14:31:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I returned to the office and there was a woman from a production company calling for me. I look at my boss and he gives me the "go ahead answer it. it's for you". So I do and this chick starts asking me about Guillermo Del Toro. She wants to send him a cut of a film or something like that. I tell her that she needs to send it to my office first. She asks for my name and give her my full name and apparently the mail room is going to be expecting a package for Mr. Jim Dietter.

I am now Hollywood Jim.

Movie Set, Gill

2008-03-02T20:54:00.000-08:00

Day two of a music video. It was outside on this beautiful estate complete with recording studio, swimming pool, manicured lawn. It was ridiculous. I got sunburned today though, it's already summer in L.A.

Then I went to the hottub and there was a marathon runner with his marathon medal talking about the marathon (l.a. marathon was today). Bastard was wasted! WASTED! and he wouldn't stop talking about the angels that carried him that last three miles. Apparently he stopped to poop along the course. Weird. His name was Gill.

Then boo wrecked some bitches in Mario Tennis. Get some.

Your Mother's Lover

2008-03-01T20:32:00.000-08:00

I was BBE on set today for a music video for a band called "Your Mother's Lover". The job of the BBE or best boy electric, is to run cable or power lines evenly among different circuits in so a fuse doesn't blow. The house we were shooting in had very old electrical wirings so it was interesting to say the least. The idea is that if there are multiple circuits it's easier to give power. However, on the bottom floor the dining room, family room, kitchen and hallway were all on one circuit. This makes things dicey. If you plug in two big lights to any combination of these rooms you blow a fuse. Also, since the wiring was fried it was near impossible to use a circuit finder to map out the power grid. After much trial and error we finally figured it out. It was fun.

One highlight was a 5k watt light which weighs about 80-100 pounds was needed to light a window from outside. they require a special, heavy duty stand, which we didn't have. So we frankensteined this thing to stand on a plastic light case being held together with wires and c-stands and it was a disaster waiting to happen. And then it happened. Wind caught a tarp that was shielding it from the rain. The tarp caught the light and the light hit the ground. CRASH. 100 pounds of expensive, precision machinery. It started smoking and it was raining pretty good so there was the threat of electrocution/fire. We unplugged it quickly and averted any disaster.

Another was we hooked up a smaller light which had never been used before. Within five minutes a large BANG occurred. The bulb in the light shattered with such a force it destroyed the steel reflector in the light. If the light had an open face and wasn't covered the glass shards would jettison out destroying everything in its path. With that said it was an awesome shoot.

driving balls!

2008-02-29T23:02:00.000-08:00

K so today went to work did a bunch of shit yada yada. THEN, jeff jim and I hit golf balls at th emajest golf range. My best was a rocket that went abut 300000 yards! Played some music BUT this is what is really important:

OMG! A BELBER MUSIC VIDEO!

2008-02-27T13:35:00.000-08:00

Glory be! I have unearthed a rare find! A DAN BELBER MUSIC VIDEO! Experts have begun analyzing if it's authentic but judging by the unique blend of tough guyness and emoness (a trait found only in Belbers) the scientific community is fairly certain that this is in fact the infamous BELB!

HOT TUB POPPIN BUBBLY!

2008-02-25T22:20:00.000-08:00

Went to work. Did script coverage. Then my boss asked me to drop off the master tape of My Name is Bruce to Image, a dvd distribution company. Apparently the company started off distributing pornography and apparently the town they're in, Chatsworth, CA, is the porn capital of the world according to my boss. I didn't have any sightings however.

When I was driving into my apartment complex there was a hummer stopped at the main gate. The driver got out of the car and was frantically searching his car. I got the hint and rolled down my window and held out my access card. He took it and slipped on by. However, the guard at the gate, the white guy who was the cross between William H. Macy and Paul Reubens, the guy I gave the thumbs up to earlier, saw this and had some words for my friend.

Then nikki and I went to the hot tub. No fly girls this time but it was crowded again. Probably 10 people in it. No big deal.

Now I'm writing the next ten pages of my screenplay. Later players!

LA LA LA!!!!

2008-02-25T12:43:00.000-08:00

The Oscars. Dreck! I was invited to several Oscar parties but I don't like award shows nor do I like liberals bloviating about politics as if they knew what they were talking about. Shut up John Stewart your political ideology is comparable to that of a 5 year old's, "War is bad, peace is good!". How edgy and intellectual of you.

So instead I played some guitar with Jim. Then Nikki, Alex and I went to the hot tub. Where there was an amateur rap video being shot, or at least it seemed. There was bubble bath in the tub and 4 "fly girls" (see: ghetto trash) getting high, getting drunk, listening to terrible rap and r&b and singing loudly. They started putting on a show for us by dancing provocatively, when they started feeling on each other it was time to go.

It was nothing like this:

But by god how I wished it was.

USC FILM SHOOT

2008-02-24T00:39:00.000-08:00

So when my alarm went off at 8:30am this morning, I was 75 percent sure I was going to go back to sleep. I didn't. Instead I went to a movie set on a sound stage at USC with Pat. I learned a ton of a shit about electric! I was on set for fifteen hours though. The director kept taking 8 takes for reaction shots. I started out as a grip and by the end of the day I had been promoted to second AC (assistant camera). ROCK!

USC has a beautiful campus with a beautiful sound stage and beautiful people. And it is right int he middle of EAST LA, the hood.

But enough about me, Enjoy:

Eric Gulliver and A New Guitar!

2008-02-23T02:01:00.000-08:00

MY NEW GUITAR ARRIVED! A brand spankign new Seagull S6. It's pretty fucking nice. It has a rich full tone and the fretboard is 1.75 inches wide which is significantly wider than my last guitar, which of course means less finger crowding on more intricate chords! I went over to Jim's and we played some geetar. Then Eric Gulliver showed up and we went back to his place with Sam and Nikki and tried ot watch a movie but ended up talking about conspiracy theories.

Here's a picture of my guitar!

notice the cherry wood sides and top with a full body construction! VERY NICE!

This is a Happy End, Cause you Don't understand

2008-02-22T01:02:00.000-08:00

Thursday

2008-02-22T00:31:00.000-08:00

Went to class today. Went to dinner with my room mate and my room mate's parents. Drove Hallie home. Sleep...

HALLIESAURUS!

2008-02-21T12:41:00.000-08:00

Hallie is in Hollywood this week to cover the Oscars. Her, Pete and Josie (who I intern with) went out to the Blue Room Last night. We watched the lunar eclipse with a bunch of old bar goers. Then we went to Chipotle where they sell burritos and beer! Hallie got both... Then we went to El Guapo for my room mate Jeff's Birthday! They had a bunch of beer pong tables. I played one game with Hallie and lost. Then I dropped Hallie off at her hotel. When I was pulling out of the parking lot some guy made an illegal u-turn in his suv and almost hit me. His car is now face to face with mine. He looks at me as if to say 'WTF?!" I stare back. He doesn't budge for a good 45 seconds. Finally he pusses out and backs up and leaves.

Then on the way back home I swiped my security card at the main gate. Before driving into the oakwoods I stopped and gave the security guard at the gate a thumbs up for about a minute. Finally seeing me this guy who looks like a cross between William H. Macy and Paul Reubens slams his window open and says in a comically hyper voice "YOU GUYS HAVE AN AWESOME NIGHT! YOU HAVE A BETTER THAN AWESOME NIGHT!" He gave us the peace sign. So I said back "You have a better night than us!" Then he goes "PEACE!" and gives us the peace sign. I had enough and drove in!

Here's some funny stuff:

Bruce Campbell

2008-02-20T13:02:00.000-08:00

Today, there is a screening for Bruce Campbell's My Name Is Bruce, at the lot I work at. Bruce Campbell just stopped in my office today. I said what's up to him. He chilled in the office for a bit then went out to lunch. No big deal.

For those that don't know, This is Bruce:

Almost Iron Maiden and Snakeheads

2008-02-19T21:54:00.000-08:00

Long Day. Anyway, I tried going to Iron Maiden today. My friend was supposed to get tickets for me but wasn't able to. But i got to check out the Forum in Inglewood and that was fun.

Check out this fish:

It's called a snakehead. It's a veracious fish that eats anything in its path. It will even try to kill humans. It can crawl up on dry land live without water for four days! Pretty nuts right?

BTW

2008-02-19T13:30:00.000-08:00

I would be remiss if I didn't mention that Jessica came to Los Angeles this weekend. Her and I hung out at Starbucks. It was fun. Then Jessica went back to Northern California, where she hasn't been heard from since.

Life is Real

2008-02-19T13:20:00.001-08:00

Feeling so high, Temperature rising.

2008-02-18T09:19:00.000-08:00

Barney's Slayed

2008-02-17T15:02:00.000-08:00

Well, it's Sunday and I've been sick for over a week now. The doctor told me I have the flu but I know I have a sinus infection. That's neither here nor there.

Last night me and some of the good time people went to Barney's Beanery. This was Janis Joplin's favorite watering hole. Jim Morrison and the Doors would chill there too. Morrison got kicked out for urinating on the bar. Quentin Tarantino supposedly wrote Pulp Fiction in one of the booths. Anyway, the place was pretty tight. They had a bunch of pool tables, an air hockey table and a foozball table.

I jumped on the pool table, played some dudes from New York, they put one of their friends on my team so it could be two vs two. I ended up sinking every ball! Then went on to win ten more games. Pool is fun.

Lately I've been jamming with some peeps. Jim Alex and I have been playing some dual guitar with mandolin accompaniement. Then I went to Shwaman's and played some dual guitar with keyboard. But my guitar broke! The neck is coming off the body AGAIN! I have to get it fixed or get a new guitar.

Work to be done... later playas!

Since I left you, I found a world so new.

2008-02-16T17:43:00.000-08:00

ISAAC AND GAVIN AND MARIO TENNIS NO BIG DEAl

2008-02-10T01:15:00.000-08:00

Started today off with a wicked hang over. There was an open bar last night outside this beautiful theater with lights. It was all run by the Emerson mafia. I drank too much. Anywho, as I was writing in pain I thought to myself "there is no way you're going to miss another Saturday" (I woke up at 430 pm last week with a hangover). So i went to the beach with Nikkita banana and Jim. Venice Beach that is. Place is the sickest shit ever.

Then we went to the hot tub in Oakwoods. Ran into a pair of real winners, Isaac and Gavin. When they weren't busy telling funny jokes like "I'M Gavin" - Isaac and "I'm Isaac" - Gavin "JUST KIDDING!" - both, they were rubbing water on their abs and talking loudly about how some nasty chick wants to have sex with them. Sweet. So after dealing with these mouth breathers for far too long we played some Mario Tennis as Shwa's. Legend, ran that shit won 4 in a row and had to bail, no one can touch wario bitch!

Then hung out at NIkki's. Savasti and Claire provided the entertainment. I never knew people could hate so many things. But combined they hated "bowling, emerson get-to-gethers, men, people with cars, hairy people, small guys, world peace" and a thousand other things. It was great.

Hiking tomorrow.

Remember him?

2008-02-08T14:12:00.000-08:00

Answer: Paper cut from pete and pete.

For Kayla

2008-02-08T13:50:00.001-08:00

http://www.krem.com/topstories/stories/krem2_020808_albinomoose.a1225c5d.html

Marilyn Manson goes door to door trying to scare people

2008-02-08T13:31:00.000-08:00

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28771

"Look at me, suburban dung," Manson told Wesley. "Does this shock you?"

but seriously, the dude rocks:

Desperate Housewives is a shitty show

2008-02-07T22:09:00.000-08:00

I watched desperate housewives in class today. That show is the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen in my life. Seriously, seriously. Seriously? Desperate housewives. If you like that show you're a moron.

Aight then I went to a mall to buy a collared shirt for work. I figured 20 bucks, in and out, and i'm looking like a fly bitch. Nope. Cheapest shirt I could find at Macy's was 60 dollars. Old Navy? 40 dollars. WTF?!

Found a shirt for fifty percent off. 30 dollars later I was getting the "oh, you buy clothes on sale" look from the cashier and I was looking like a fly bitch.

Here's an example of how shitty Desperate Housewives is:

Behold!

2008-02-07T01:41:00.001-08:00

Whos Jazzes more flutes than me?

2008-02-07T01:36:00.000-08:00

Tonight I played poker. Seven of us played. I got down to the final three, went all in and lost. I had ace, queen suited my opponent four, 5 off-suit. He flopped a five. I got nothing I lost.

Then I played mario Tennis! And won every game. Wario, baby!

Oh, also, the moment of truth show on fox is brilliant. If I were the host i'd just ask "would you have sex with me after the show".

Life as the Superbowl champs.

2008-02-04T21:19:00.001-08:00

Alright, so I don't know if you guys watched that Superbowl, but the fucking Giants won! The FUCKING GIANTS! GIANTS BABY!

Project Pat and Speed Trap Alex invited me to their friend's house for the game. I went and it was a good turn out. 40 people, lots of food, some babes. I knew a few faces. Some recent, some from my past, see: Adam Ginavisian. I sit in a neck-cramping position in the corner of the room (seats were at a premium). The game starts.

Holy shit! GIANTS 10 minute drive to start things off. I try to remain neutral so I don't piss off the heavilly Patriots-biased crowd. 5 third down conversions later, "FUCK IT! I'M FLYING MY COLORS!". I stand up "GIANTS BABY!"... silence. Except one person "dude you're going to be my new friend". I look back and some gregarious fellow is sporting a Shockey jersey. Strength in numbers... I don't have to be faster than all the Patriots fans I just have ot be faster than the other Giants fan in the room. Same is true for bears, lions, disgruntled Hillary Clinton Supporters and PETA members.

Game wears on. Giants blow some opportunites but hang in there. Halftime: Patriots 7, Giants 3. I'll take it.

Beer, tossing a football, conversation with Tom about how the Giants have a shot. We both say "Superbowl Champions" then hang up. Back to my corner. Showtime.

More of a defensive battle. A few circus plays, fumbles interceptions. Neither team gains ground. Then the Giants strike. Eli to Tyree. I go nuts.

Fourth quarter, seven minutes left. Eli falters the Giants had a shot at an easy first down and blow it. I've seen this before. This is when the Patriots strike.

Brady starts his drive. The Patriots fan come out of their cocoon. There's no stopping them. Moss for a T.D. in the endzone. FUCK! Project Pat tells me I can sit down now. This does little more than remind me that I have been standing for the last twenty minutes. I smile and continue standing.

It's important to note that before the game I bought a new wallet. I don't know why. It was an impulse buy. I was buying a single beer before the game and saw a six dollar wallet and purchased it. It's the first time I've ever bought a wallet and the second one I've owned in my life (my first came with a pair of jeans and lasted six years).

I transfer the contents of the wallets and find a wrinkled up two dollar bill I had from 2002, when I was an employee at Starbucks in Newtown, Ct. A customer gave it to me and I put two singles in the register and kept it for myself. That bill looked more like a ripped up tissue. It's been through pools of pudding, the ocean, washing machines and hell itself. I uncrumpled it.

Well the point is every time I flattened it out some more something good would happen for the Giants. A good luck charm? Sure, I'll take it.

So two minutes left in the game. I am clutching that fucking dollar so tight, I was half expecting a diamond to form in my vice-like palms.

Eli starts the drive. Then it looks like all is lost. Eli breaks free and "HOLY SHIT! DAVID TYREE!" "HOLY SHIT!" "OH MY GOD!" "DUDE THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!" "OH MY GOD!" "OH MY GOD, DID YOU FUCKING SEE THAT!" Me and Dave (the other Giants fan) were going nuts. We didn't say it but we knew.

The Giants were destined to win this one. After that catch there was nothing that was going to stop us.

The 25 yard floater to Burress was a formality at that point. The juggernaut had fallen and a new world order had been established. New blood coursed through the veins of football royalty. In other words: GIANTS BABY!

Got a gun, fact I got two. That's ok man, cause I love god.

2008-01-31T11:58:00.000-08:00

Excerpts from my Convo with kayla

2008-01-26T11:22:00.000-08:00

kayla and i talked about pooping today.

use your imagination.

oh becky and belber hooked up or something... that's even more gross

PWNT!

2008-01-24T13:37:00.000-08:00

There's a Gentleman inquiring about a glass.

2008-01-22T21:20:00.000-08:00

Believe it or not, Ripley!

2008-01-19T18:18:00.001-08:00

On Sunset Blvd.

Don Knotts vs Jimmy Carter Which is which/

2008-01-17T18:41:00.000-08:00

Bring on the Yams New Years '08

2008-01-17T14:32:00.001-08:00

Todd Conners FTW

2008-01-15T23:53:00.001-08:00

"LA CUT"

2008-01-14T20:51:00.001-08:00

B-Rod and I went to get my head un-fucked up at a local barber shop. I got my head threads chopped by a chick with man-hands a thousand tattoos and obtrusive piercings. She left me with a 'hawk. A true L.A. Cut. Legend.

HOOOOONK

2008-01-14T15:08:00.001-08:00

Gettin My Kicks

2008-01-12T20:00:00.000-08:00

Hmm so in the last two days, Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas and New Mexico have fallen to my destructive path. I'm in Holbrook, Az right now. Highlights of the trip. Ah yes the shacks of Arkansas. I don't know what is with that state but as soon as you cross the border things become a thousand times shittier and as soon as you leave things become a thousand times better. The whole time I was playing a game to determine if people actually lived in the shacks on the side of the road or if they were just large shits left by abnormally large cows. I still haven't made up my mind on many of them. However, there was a place in Arkansas called Hog Trough Liquor, that was pretty epic. Then Oklahoma. I stayed a hotel with a miniature golf course inside and a gazebo restaurant, sickest place yet. I went to Western Sizzler Buffet in Elk City, Ok. It was a real trip I accidentally ate catfish and then went to the hotel and threw it all up realizing I ate seafood at a western Buffet.

Then on to Texas where there is nothing but fields and huge oil pumps. Then New Mexico which sends you through the mountains at my highest elevation the sign read 6,000 feet. I didn't stop once in New Mexico. Once you cross into New Mexico you start a moderate descent that does not get interrupted for literally thirty miles. Just a striaght shot down from the mountain top to sea level. Now I'm watching the Patriots win. They're g.

I was watching celebrity rehab and Jamie Foxworthy was on it. The smallest girl on Family Matters. Apparently she has a marijuana addiction and starred in a few pornos to pay the bills.

Master of the Road Day 2: Twister!

2008-01-10T19:02:00.000-08:00

Today was the end of Virginia and Tennesse. Tenn-a-fucking see! Let me tell you about Tennesee. The first 4 hours of driving were in driving rain topped off with thick fog on the twisty mountain tops. Then fifteen minutes outside Nashville I saw a large black cloud with lightning. I tune my radio to a local station which is about to give a weather update when a bolt of lightning cuts the station's signal. Another station gladly tells me there is a tornado heading down I-40. I check my GPS and find out i'm in the path of the tornado. To compound matters I realized I had just recently passed the last rest area for quite a while. The rain picks up going down the hill. Then a thick black cloud unhinges its jaw and swallows my car whole. Like a wet sock in a dryer I was in black vortex with literally a foot of visibility and getting pummeled by all sides. The sound was constant and threatening; a mix of wind, rain and finally hail. Navigating by feel, I limped my car over the rumble strip and hoped that a runaway truck didn't slam into me. Isolated in darkness there was no way off telling what was around me. The only relief from the dark were the lightning bolts which ripped through the sky like glowing white blades through a black burlap sacks. After three minutes of car-bucking winds, mother nature decided I had passed her rite of passage or just got bored fucking with me and gathered up her tempest as abruptly as it began leaving sunshine peering through white fluffy clouds. If it weren't for the pools of water in the farmer's fields there would be no trace of the twister. As a reward for enduring the shit storm Tennesse gave me a red sky sunset abover its gently rolling hills for the remainder of the day.

Ya know it's really nothing like this:

but it'd be sweet if it were.

Furthermore, in Virginia, there is a road, "route 666" the portion I happened over was named "Hogback Road". Legend!

Dude Kills it.

2008-01-10T00:27:00.001-08:00

This song is currently being retired as Florida's national song because of racial undertones. Let's give it some respect first shall we?

Road Master Day 1

2008-01-09T19:01:00.000-08:00

580 miles down a few thousand more to go. I'm in Salem, Virginia right now. Proof that I'm better at driving than you are. More on that later.

Lol

2008-01-09T00:10:00.001-08:00

I KEA YA!

2008-01-03T16:48:00.000-08:00

The Swedish, man! The fucking Swedish! They know how to make a fucking furniture store. First time I ever want to that gargantuan place. Oh Billie is it a doozy. The only problem was that some one dropped a turd in one of the bath tubs and I think I know who did it... Tom Neylon! Kayla got lost and when I found her she was stuck inside an egg chair!

speaking of swedish...

Legend.

Xmas Xchange

2007-12-26T19:09:00.000-08:00

Kayla and I exchanged presents. I gave her a conscious she gave me a personality.

No no, I'm only dead on the outside.

2007-12-22T21:12:00.000-08:00

Went to a party. I'm 3/4 dead. I sat there and didn't do anything. On the t back 3 drunk girls, about 25 years old kept talking to me. They asked for my autograph after I told then I was into film and going to L.A. They told me their names and I wrote to each of them "to my biggest fan, *insert name here* best wishes, James Dietter". I made them out to wrong names. So if it was Kate I'd write Karla. They loved it.

If anything could ever be this good again.

2007-12-22T14:47:00.001-08:00

Re-Creation of Warior Ware and Skyy Vodka

2007-12-20T07:06:00.000-08:00

It has been decided that we shall re-create the circumstances of the night that lead to Silber shitting on our neighbor's yard. More details later.

Why The 90s Own you.

2007-12-19T08:14:00.001-08:00

This is your religion. You belong to this now.

INC. THE VILE ONE

2007-12-16T23:26:00.000-08:00

Sender:

Steve
+12033003766

Sent:
1:40:45am
12/17/2007

I Kill trick bitches

Sender:

Steve
+12033003766

Sent:
1:41:51am
12/17/2007

Im a sea slut

Silber Dances!

2007-12-16T12:03:00.000-08:00

Last night crashed a Berkelee College of music party. A gregarious carribean girl who lived there fed Silber and I alcohol. Then she took off my clothes and had me party shirtless the rest of the night. An impromptu jam occurred. I got to play the djembe with a couple of kids who studied West African drumming in Ghana and SILBER, well Silber got to dance with Roselle, the Carribeaner from Trinidad. You should have seen him pirouette! Woke up the next morning on the couch, hung like a moose over with a stubborn smile on my face from thinking about Brian Silber cutting a rug.

Slow Loris(es?)

2007-12-15T16:19:00.000-08:00

For all of you that don't know, this: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/a/a6/Plumplori_%28Stenops_tardigradus%29.png is a slow loris. It is my favorite animal currently. And now it's yours too!

Throw an iceball at your fucking face.

2007-12-15T15:50:00.000-08:00

There was a recent snowfall. I was walking home from the T. A college aged girl was two steps ahead of me. I get on my phone and make a call to Nicole. She picks up and I yell "Get over here so I can throw a fucking snow ball at your face!". The girl in front of me turns around in horror. I wave my hand at her to let her know i wasn't talking to her. She turns and runs from me.

So sorry, Coolatts.

Steve-O Text message Of the Day

2007-12-15T15:46:00.000-08:00

Got this one on my phone:

Sender: Steve 12033003766
Sent: 4:15:45 am
12/15/2007

Message:

Dropping dueces from philly to atlanta

Thanks, Steve.

A Deaf Sam Moment

2007-12-13T20:39:00.000-08:00

I was walking to a friend's house to play board games. Deaf Sam walks by. I ask him what he's doing he says he was going to CVS. I ask what he's buying. He comes back with this:

"Batteries for my hearing aid, you going to make fun of me?"

Legendary.

David the Gnome-O

2007-12-13T17:51:00.000-08:00

Alright guys, I have to come clean about something. Four years ago when I was a freshman at college I had the great idea to create a fake blog about a homosexual artist living in Boston who became infatuated with a mystery man. The mystery man eventually would turn out to be a Tufts University student. Then we find out that it's our favorite high school chum, David Bunger. It never came to fruition. But you can see the seeds of genius here: http://artisstruggle.livejournal.com/

The best part is you can see that I actually clung on to this idea for like two years. Well, if anyone wants to pick up where I left off let me know. More ramblings soon. Later, friends.